Engineer Identification Test
You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked. Do you...

• Straighten it?
• Ignore it?
• Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a solar-powered, self adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud your belief that the inventor of the nail was a total moron.

The correct answer is "3" but partial credit can be given to anybody who writes "It depends" in the margin of the test or simply blames the whole stupid thing on "Marketing".

Social Skills

Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction.
"Normal" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social interaction:

• Stimulating and thought-provoking conversation.
• Important social contacts.
• A feeling of connectedness with other humans.
•  In contrast to "normal" people, engineers have rational objectives for social interactions:

     Get it over with as soon as possible.

• Avoid getting invited to something unpleasant.
• Demonstrate mental superiority and mastery of all subjects.

Fascination with Gadgets

To the engineer, all the matter in the universe can be place into one of two categories: (1) things that need to be fixed, and (2) things that will need to be fixed after you've had a few minutes to play with them. Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own. Normal people don't understand this concept; they believe that if it ain't broken, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

No engineer looks at a television remote control without wondering what it would take to turn it into a

stun gun. No engineer can take a shower without wondering if some sort of Teflon coating would make showering unnecessary. To the engineer, the world is a toy box full of sub-optimized and feature-poor toys.

 

Fashion and Appearance

Clothes are the lowest priority for an engineer, assuming the basic thresholds for temperature and decency have been satisfied. If no appendages are freezing or sticking together, and if no genitalia or mammary glands are swinging around in plain view then the objectives of clothing have been met. Anything else is a waste.

Honesty

Engineers are always honest in matters of technology and human relationships. That's why it's a good idea to keep engineers away from customers, romantic interests, and other people who can't handle the truth.
Engineers sometimes bend the truth to avoid work. They say things that sound like lies but technically are not because nobody could be expected to believe them. The complete list of engineer lies is listed below:

• "I won't change anything without asking you first."
• "I'll return your hard to find cable tomorrow."
• "I have to have new equipment to do my job."
• "I'm not jealous of your new computer."

Powers of Concentration

If there is one trait that best defines an engineer it is the ability to concentrate on one subject to the complete exclusion of everything else in the environment. This sometimes causes engineers to be pronounced dead prematurely. Some funeral homes in high-tech areas have started checking resumes before processing bodies. Anybody with a degree in electrical engineering or experience in computer programming is propped up in the lounge for a few days just to see if he or she snaps out of it.

Risk

Engineers hate risk. They try to eliminate it whenever they can. This is understandable, given that when an engineer makes one little mistake, the media will treat it like it's a big deal or something.
Examples of Bad Press for Engineers

• The Hindenburg
• Space Shuttle Challenger
• Hubble Space Telescope
• Apollo 13
• The Titanic

The risk/reward calculation for engineers looks something like this:
RISK: Public humiliation and the death of thousands of innocent people.
REWARD: A certificate of appreciation in a handsome plastic frame.

Ego

Ego-wise, two things are important to engineers:

• How smart they are.
• How many cool devices they own.

The fastest way to get an engineer to solve a problem is to declare that the problem is unsolvable. No engineer can walk away from an unsolvable problem until it's solved. No illness or distraction is sufficient to get the engineer off the case. These types of challenges quickly become personal - a battle between the engineer and the laws of nature.
Engineers will go without food and hygiene for days to solve a problem. (Other times, just because they forgot.) And when they succeed in solving the problem they will experience an ego rush
Nothing is more threatening to the engineer than a suggestion that someone has more technical skill. Normal people sometimes use that knowledge as a lever to extract more work from the engineer.

Comprehending Engineers

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the Engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

A boy was crossing the road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it into his pocket. The frog spoke up again, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frogasked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why don't you kiss me?"

The boy said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."…